I am the lone vigilante of the night. I am the one who strikes fear in the hearts of the unjust. I am the rogue who doesn't play by the rules. They call me...Rich a.k.a. White Rice. So. Basically I am going to post things on this particular blog about gaming and whatever else I feel like posting. I enjoy video games, movies, storytelling, writing, filming, cheesecake, The Room, long walks on the beach, murder, being random, going on adventures, repeating things, Mao, top hats, repeating things and plotting to take over the world. So as you can tell from this and previous posts I am in reality a very strange, random and ironic person. Unless this isn't reality and just a dream. BRRRRRRRRM...... BRRRRRRRRRRRRM........ BRRRRRRRRRRRMMM.......... BRRRRRRRRRM.......... BRRRRRRRRRRRMMM............................................ BRRRRRRRRM
Hipster.
Richard "White Rice" Smith
Thursday, December 16, 2010
about me
Hi, I'm Evan. I like to play video games and hang out with my friends, I have a passion for sports, and my favorite sport is racing. I watch the NASCAR races 36 weeks of the year, and I have been to 2 races; Pocono in 2006 and Daytona in 2007. I am a college student in my third year at a community college on Long Island, and I love Florida. I am very friendly and very social. If anyone thinks I am anti social, then you obviously don't know me. I hope that's a good enough explanation of myself, LOL! I can sometimes be silly, and make weird faces, and I love to make people laugh. I am really a geek, no joke, just ask my friends. What is that? I am a loser? Thanks =) There's nothing you can do to change that =) And yes, I am also a Gleek....if u don't know what a Gleek is, you fail at life, and are missing out on the best TV show on earth. Don't mess with the Gleek, especially while i'm getting my Glee on! I will haunt your dreams if u do =) If u don't like who I am, then might as well rage quit, cuz u don't deserve a friend like me. That sounds so mean lol, but it really isn't. Hope you enjoy my posts =) Kthnxbye
Too Much Viagra
A sexually frustrated wife got some Viagra for her husband. Her doctor told her to give him one pill a night, and that he would call to check in with her after a week to see if their sex life had improved.
That night, the wife popped one viagra pill in her husband's food and got a good rogering.
The next night she gave him two viagra pills. The sex was even greater than the night before.
The following night she decided to give him the whole bottle of viagra. The sex was unimaginable.
A week later, the doctor called to check on the patient.
The couple's son answered the phone and sounded shaky.
The doctor asked to speak to his mother.
The son replied that his mother was in the hospital, the maid was pregnant, his butt was hurting, and his dad was standing naked in the front yard, yelling, “Here kitty, kitty….”
With all due respect,
Jonathan Mitchell
That night, the wife popped one viagra pill in her husband's food and got a good rogering.
The next night she gave him two viagra pills. The sex was even greater than the night before.
The following night she decided to give him the whole bottle of viagra. The sex was unimaginable.
A week later, the doctor called to check on the patient.
The couple's son answered the phone and sounded shaky.
The doctor asked to speak to his mother.
The son replied that his mother was in the hospital, the maid was pregnant, his butt was hurting, and his dad was standing naked in the front yard, yelling, “Here kitty, kitty….”
With all due respect,
Jonathan Mitchell
This is actually from Skyler, but since I messed up the permissions I'm posting it for him. Ignore the fancy signature, it's not really my post.
"Fuck Christmas"
Fuck Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I've busted my ass for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
I gave them the flipster to that old god dam hipster
To be continued….
With all due respect,
Jonathan Mitchell
Fuck Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I've busted my ass for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
I gave them the flipster to that old god dam hipster
To be continued….
With all due respect,
Jonathan Mitchell
Richard Gets Howled at by a Random Girl.
The funniest shit always happens to us. He was walking back to Starbucks when a random girl opened up her window and went 'OOOWWW!!!!!', the way you yell when you're at an -insert male artist-'s concert and they go to take off their shirt. Richard gave them the most stern look he could come up with, and they sort of lowered their head awkwardly. Story of our lives.
Hipster.
Hipster.
So when I walked into the bathroom in Starbucks...
I was almost hit in the face by the thin part of the door. The part that swings and almost kills people. So, while I was in the bathroom I had a long chat with the door in which I explained that although being in the bathroom all the time sucks, hitting people is not how we make friends. I received a heartfelt apology from the door, and we are now pen-pals.
Did anyone also notice that the excel hand dryers are basically small jet turbines? Who the hell had that idea? I say this only because it blows cold air at high velocities in the winter. I'm allergic to the cold so this is like an instant hive trip. Anyone else have any strange stories like this (not that my story is strange at all.)?
Hipster.
Did anyone also notice that the excel hand dryers are basically small jet turbines? Who the hell had that idea? I say this only because it blows cold air at high velocities in the winter. I'm allergic to the cold so this is like an instant hive trip. Anyone else have any strange stories like this (not that my story is strange at all.)?
Hipster.
It's Like a Condom for Your Nose! (Pat and Richard Write About Life)
R- Ok. Ahahaha. So about that health care system.
P- Actually let me type this up on the computer. I'm just writing down what you say.
R- I don't know I prefer writing it down on paper.
P- Richard, there are entire songs about not getting what you want. I prefer to learn my life lessons from people who are complete strangers from sources such as the radio.
R- What does that even mean?? We are in Starbucks anyway it makes sense to just write it on a laptop. Be like edgy screenplay writers.
Random person- Blah blah blah, etc.
P- -sips coffee-
R- -sits there, looking ironic-
P- Richard, together we Make irony.
R- -silence-
P- -sips coffee-
R- I want to say something, should I just say it? Why did we name our son Irony? It's so hipster.
P- What the fuck? I don't remember carrying or birthing a child, I think we're talking about different Pat's.
R- Ahahaha. Ahahahahaha. Ahahahaha. Alright Pat, what the fuck that's too many ahahahaha's.
P- I calls 'em as I sees 'em.
R- Well whatever. Speaking of Irony, where is he? Actually I think he's just a projection.
P- That makes my baby-having-parts feel relieved, I was nervous I missed out on something sort of important.
R- Quick Pat, we need to go back to the previous dream stage! Give him the kick! Imagine if I actually just fell back in the chair in the middle of Starbucks.
P- This is supposed to be like an interview except nobody's interviewing us.
R- We're just bullshitting. Billshitting? Pat? Pat? Pat? -Boop-
P- -punches Richard-
R- -Richard falls out of chair- Right now I have cancer. Thanks, Pat. You must be keeding raaight?
P- -coughs-
R- -pats Pat on the back- Ahahaha.
Skyler- How much was that tall drink?
R- Like four something.
P- No it wasn't!
R- Oh, then how much was it?
P- Like three something.
R- Oh, ok. Yeah, three something.
Skyler- It's really three something?
R- You could always get my top hat and go outside and pretend to be a hobo and beg for money.
Skyler- That only works in the city, unless I get robbed by the gay French hipster.
P- The word hipster has to be in every single one of your posts. Like, if it doesn't fit into the context of your post then at the end you sign off as whoever you are and just write the word hipster.
R- Speaking of the gay French hipster, me and Boody, Boody and I, have so many theories about who this guy is.
Skyler- -laughs-
R- Uhm I just came up with the theory that he was the Devil and this was like one of those classic bible tales of like someone encountering the devil and he was like tempting us with irony and obscurity.
Skyler- He was just lookin' for some booty.
R- He was looking to do something to Boody.
P- Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo Boody's and booties.
Skyler- I'd rather be taken by the Boogie man than the gay French hipster. Ima go get some chocolate.
P- Jesus Christ.
R- Actually I think the Boogie Man and the gay French hipster are one and the same. Ahaha. That's another one of my theories. He's definitely some kind of strange paranormal force.
P- What the hell?
R- You can say that again.
S- What the fuck.
R- meanwhile back in San Francisco..ahaha.
Skyler- f-u-c-k-e-r-y. she's writing everything that we're saying? is she serious? what the fuck? -rage quits-
P- What the fuck is wrong with you? Why do you say what the fuck so many fucking times? Kids probably read this mother fucking God dammned blog, we don't need fuckers like you saying fucking fuck all the fucking time. It's fucking
disrespectful.
R- For all I care you can all go drop off the face of the Earth. That's a promise.
Skyler- This is magically delicious.
R- -boop....boop...boop..- I boop you in the nose. Ahahaha.
R- Hey Pat, you did a really good job on this blog. You should go PAT yourself on the back!
Everyone- -laughs-
P- Fuck you.
P- Actually let me type this up on the computer. I'm just writing down what you say.
R- I don't know I prefer writing it down on paper.
P- Richard, there are entire songs about not getting what you want. I prefer to learn my life lessons from people who are complete strangers from sources such as the radio.
R- What does that even mean?? We are in Starbucks anyway it makes sense to just write it on a laptop. Be like edgy screenplay writers.
Random person- Blah blah blah, etc.
P- -sips coffee-
R- -sits there, looking ironic-
P- Richard, together we Make irony.
R- -silence-
P- -sips coffee-
R- I want to say something, should I just say it? Why did we name our son Irony? It's so hipster.
P- What the fuck? I don't remember carrying or birthing a child, I think we're talking about different Pat's.
R- Ahahaha. Ahahahahaha. Ahahahaha. Alright Pat, what the fuck that's too many ahahahaha's.
P- I calls 'em as I sees 'em.
R- Well whatever. Speaking of Irony, where is he? Actually I think he's just a projection.
P- That makes my baby-having-parts feel relieved, I was nervous I missed out on something sort of important.
R- Quick Pat, we need to go back to the previous dream stage! Give him the kick! Imagine if I actually just fell back in the chair in the middle of Starbucks.
P- This is supposed to be like an interview except nobody's interviewing us.
R- We're just bullshitting. Billshitting? Pat? Pat? Pat? -Boop-
P- -punches Richard-
R- -Richard falls out of chair- Right now I have cancer. Thanks, Pat. You must be keeding raaight?
P- -coughs-
R- -pats Pat on the back- Ahahaha.
Skyler- How much was that tall drink?
R- Like four something.
P- No it wasn't!
R- Oh, then how much was it?
P- Like three something.
R- Oh, ok. Yeah, three something.
Skyler- It's really three something?
R- You could always get my top hat and go outside and pretend to be a hobo and beg for money.
Skyler- That only works in the city, unless I get robbed by the gay French hipster.
P- The word hipster has to be in every single one of your posts. Like, if it doesn't fit into the context of your post then at the end you sign off as whoever you are and just write the word hipster.
R- Speaking of the gay French hipster, me and Boody, Boody and I, have so many theories about who this guy is.
Skyler- -laughs-
R- Uhm I just came up with the theory that he was the Devil and this was like one of those classic bible tales of like someone encountering the devil and he was like tempting us with irony and obscurity.
Skyler- He was just lookin' for some booty.
R- He was looking to do something to Boody.
P- Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, and hide yo Boody's and booties.
Skyler- I'd rather be taken by the Boogie man than the gay French hipster. Ima go get some chocolate.
P- Jesus Christ.
R- Actually I think the Boogie Man and the gay French hipster are one and the same. Ahaha. That's another one of my theories. He's definitely some kind of strange paranormal force.
P- What the hell?
R- You can say that again.
S- What the fuck.
R- meanwhile back in San Francisco..ahaha.
Skyler- f-u-c-k-e-r-y. she's writing everything that we're saying? is she serious? what the fuck? -rage quits-
P- What the fuck is wrong with you? Why do you say what the fuck so many fucking times? Kids probably read this mother fucking God dammned blog, we don't need fuckers like you saying fucking fuck all the fucking time. It's fucking
disrespectful.
R- For all I care you can all go drop off the face of the Earth. That's a promise.
Skyler- This is magically delicious.
R- -boop....boop...boop..- I boop you in the nose. Ahahaha.
R- Hey Pat, you did a really good job on this blog. You should go PAT yourself on the back!
Everyone- -laughs-
P- Fuck you.
Structure! Ah!
I feel like it's been forever since the last chain of posts. We have a new structure over here, including everything from a fully fledged team to random bursts of Alanis Morissette. The site will also go under maintenance but this won't interfere with the ability to view it. Go coding! This is going to be awesome. Stay un-rhymed, ♥! -Pat
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